Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Best Craigslist post EVER!

A punchy headline is key to drawing interest and getting people to read your article. A punchy headline + AIDS =You actually cannot lose. In anything.

First off I want to relieve your fears that you probably don't or at least I hope you don't have AIDS.

When I came home 3 days ago I heard what was obviously mediocre sex going on in my bedroom. Since I quickly made the deduction that someone had probably not broken into my apartment for some quick copulation I figured I had just caught my wife cheating on me which I had long suspected. Your ofish grunts were so loud that I actually had to reopen the door and slam it again for you two to hear me. I stood in the entry for a while as I heard you both scramble before calling out that I was home.

When I walked into the bedroom my wife had some excuse about having a headache and when asked about the nighty she was wearing she said it was the most comfortable thing she could find. Oh...and btw, I don't know how many affairs that you participate in but a word of advice is that when you hide in the closest from an angry husbands you shouldn't leave a few toes hanging out from under the door. At this point I am in a bit of a predicament.... I could have the typical masculine response and open the door and beat the piss out of you but then you might file charges and quite frankly I just don't really care enough. Not to mention I don't know how big you are and I couldn't think of anything much worse than finding your wife cheating on you and then get pummeled by her new lover. It entered my mind to have some marathon sex and make you stand and watch the whole thing but seeing how she is a dirty whore the idea grossed me out a little. I came pretty close to just hanging out and masterbating but I am glad I went the direction I did.

So in liue of those options I thought of the funniest thing I could do for my own personal amusement. I sat her down on the bed and looked deeply in her eyes and told her that I had been diagnosed with early stages of AIDS. Recently I have had a series of colds and went to the doctor who told me it was probably just a string of bad luck and it was going around a little bit. The whole thing took about 2 hours and involved a lot of yelling, accusing and crying.

I felt like I hadn't punished you quite enough, even though I fully acknowledge that it really isn't your fault at all, so I told her that the illness was making me tired so I needed to lay down. I could hear her on the phone making an appointment with the doctor and I could hear you rustling around in the closest. You did a great job holding still seeing how you probably aren't used to standing in a 3'x4' closest for hours and hours on end but if I hadn't already known you were there you would have been caught for sure.

After about another hour of laying in bed thinking of what I was going to do I felt sorry for you to be mixed up in this crazy thing so I said I was going to go fill the prescriptions the doctor gave me and left the apartment so you could leave. I hope that you weren't too uncomfortable in there and actually felt a little guilty about it later.

Anyways, I put this in missed connections because I actually wouldn't mind taking you out and buying you a drink. After all that is some funny stuff to laugh about and you are saving me thousands in alimony since my wife cheated and the least I can do is repay you for a $4.00 beer.

Again no hard feelings and best of luck!

BTW, you might still want to get your self tested since my wife is a dirty whore.

Am I going to hell?


so funny. the end mad eme piss my pants

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Fucking Genius!

Sign of the death of Rap, or half of it

All these rappers using this technology are a joke. Now you can sound like a joke too. With the T pain Iphone app.

too funny

unemployment for you, unless you work....for you.

The unemployment number just hit 9.7%. Hardly worth a yawn, right?

Well the real number is much much higher. But I will save that for another post.

9.7% ! Thats substantial pressure on the economy. If you cant pay your mortgage you arent in arby's or Macy's. But the real story is the goverment isnt cutting back. Nobody getting fired.

Do you want your family to be comfortable through the recession when it really hits? Get a job working for me, you, and him. Thats all thats going to be paying anything. where is that money coming from?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Take this job and shove it!

This is a intresting LINK.

But there are some jobs left!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

watch both parts.

Karl is the man. Impassioned and accurate as always.

great debate

what a turd!

The honourable gentleman representing Californias 13 th district MY ASS!!!!!